Ever noticed a team that just isn't working together and having very little success, if any? You can see it, everyone can see it, except that team...Sometimes though this is what our marriages look like and can feel like.
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Some of the times we have bonded the most in our marriage have been when we have tackled projects together. Projects such as building a deck, painting a room, building a pallet wall for a bridal show (in a weekend no less. whew!), remodeling a bathroom, even something simple as rearranging the furniture can strengthen our bond. you may be wondering how in the world that can bring you closer to each other. So we'll share our most recent little project we that drew our hearts to each other.
Our latest little project we tackled together was...chopping firewood! What? Yes indeed! Allen's back has been out this week, and as he recovers, he is limited in physical activity. I really wanted a fire (there's finally a chill in the air in North Florida - yay!) and I knew the only way it would happen was for me to chop the wood. However, never having done it before I knew I would need some assistance. So for this project, Allen was the coach and Carol did the physical labor! I actually did split a few logs with an ax! Whoop Whoop! But it took quite a while. Allen had to show me how to hold the ax, how to swing it and where to swing it (just for the record, I did not hit the same spot twice on any of those logs. Oops. But they did split eventually- haha)
How in the world did that bond us, you may wonder. Well, 1. It forced us to work together on the same project instead of separate ones. Life can easily get very busy with both of us going in different directions, if we allow it. Anyone else notice that too? Working together also 2. Increased our communication. Allen needed to communicate clearly and kindly to me in a way I could understand (which of course is quite different than him just telling a guy how to chop wood). I need a bit more gentleness and encouragement than one of his buddies would. By the way, he al ways excels at being kind but sometimes what he says is NOT what I hear. Things get lost in translation you know. LOL (I feel certain I am not alone in that area). This also meant that I had to practice listening and receiving instruction from him without getting offended. Was it easy? Ummm. No! It was a challenge for us both just a bit, but we found a balance between Allen teaching, me listening, and the wood splitting (albeit not right down the middle). 3. This also gave us an opportunity to believe in each other & cheer each other on. Allen believing in me and being patient when I struggled to catch on spurred me on. Honestly, one of the reasons I love doing projects with Allen is because he believes in me. He does not belittle me or make me feel dumb. He just encourages me! And BECAUSE he believes I can do it, then so do I! With the hubby coaching & the wife log-splitting, we were able to push through and in the end take satisfaction in a job well done together and have a nice cozy fire later on! There were certainly challenges and differences to overcome in the process, but that just made cuddling by the fire later that much sweeter!
That leads us to share with you one more example...about the time we welded together. Crazy, right? We were on a mission trip to Puerto Rico and Allen was in charge of welding a balcony railing for a church. The other men had different jobs and there were only a few ladies on the trip. I was one of them. The ladies were working in the kitchen, although I really had my heart set on working with Allen. I knew though that I had no previous experience welding and wasn't sure I would excel at it. Well, you would be surprised what you can do when someone believes in you and patiently teaches you. That's exactly what Allen did for me. He gave me a crash course in welding 101. Although it took me a bit to pick up on it, Allen never gave up on me. He kept encouraging me and saying "You can do it", even when my finished project was much less than perfect. And at the end of the week, I had learned a new skill and Allen and I had learned yet more communication skills. In addition, we built a stronger bond that week knowing that we had worked together as a team and welded a balcony! Wow! Who does that really? We do! :) Could Allen have built it without me? Absolutely, but it wouldn't have been as much fun. I mean we had a lot of fun flirting with each other & stealing kisses in-between welds. Hee-hee.
We have learned that one of the Keys to doing projects together is to value each others input. whoa! That's a tough one. after all, Allen is a firstborn perfectionist and I am a "fly by the seat of my pants" baby of my family. We sometimes have very different techniques for tackling a project. The coolest things happen when we listen to each other though. We learn that the other one has great ideas and input and that there can be more than one way to go about something. One of us learns a new method & the other feels valued. Definitely a win win!
THE PRIZE IS WORTH THE PRICE!
Ok so just to recap...
Advantages to doing projects together:
Keys to doing projects together:
Okay. It's your turn now. Get out there and tackle a project together and don't forget to have fun with it! There will almost certainly be challenges as you work together, but try to remember your end goal - to strengthen your bond, not to have a perfect project. You can do it!
Cheering you on,
ALLEN & CAROL
Hiking in North Georgia mountains for Carols 40th.
Today's #marriagemondays post is a bit playful! Because playing together is powerful! Ok. So this sounds silly, but it's so true. Some call it "recreational companionship". We just call it having fun together. When we first met (back in high school...we'll save that story for another post), Allen was a surfer (and still is). Although I (Carol) had never surfed, but was certainly no stranger to the beach, I began becoming more interested in Surfing...paying a bit more attention to the different style of boards, the waves, which ones were clean (aka: surfable), and which ones were blown out...you get the idea. I did try it a few times but after a few scary incidents of being tossed about by waves and dragged under and knocked on the head by the board (ouch!), I decided I could still take an interest in my man's hobby...just from a different perspective.... from the shore! And I do! When Allen surfs, I can be found soaking up some Vitamin D AND watching him catch waves. Even after all these years together, when he catches a wave, he still looks up to see if I saw it. So sweet! It is super important for me to connect with him in this way. So sometimes I catch it on camera, and other times, I just catch his eye and give him a bug thumbs up & a smile. He smiles...then is off to catch the next epic wave!
So, we may have lost some of you by now. You may be thinking that we are the silliest couple in the world. And you may just be right. But it works for us. This is a small way we can connect with each other in a way that no one else can connect with us. Allen doesn't look to see if the skinniest blonde on the beach saw him catch a wave...he looks to see if I noticed. If ya think that doesn't make me feel like a million bucks...what girl wouldn't feel great with a cute surfer watching for her to cheer him on? Ain't I lucky?
Even though the beach is one of our favorite places to be together, there are plenty of other ways we connect with each other. Here are just a few:
So, none of these may be your thing. And that's okay. We want you to find your own way to adventure together. Some couples prefer disc golf. Some like to play basketball. Some like to cook together. Others like to go to concerts together. Whatever it is, we just want to encourage you to have fun together. Carve out just a little bit of time weekly (or monthly at the least) to adventure together. Your bond will grow stronger through this, as ours has. There are so many things in daily life that pull you apart (finances, parenting, running a business together, busy schedules, and of course conflicts). It's so important to not let your marriage run on empty & adventuring together is like refueling your marriage. It helps you connect with each other and brings fresh perspective at times. You will never regret the time you put into your marriage. It's one of the greatest investments you can make - for you, for your children, your grandchildren and for those watching.
So get out there & be a little bit silly together! Find ways to connect and enjoy each other's company. If you're not sure where to start, you could begin by each making a list of your favorite activities, then picking 1 or 2 from that list that you would both enjoy!
Snuggling at Amicalola Falls State Park in Dahlonega, Georgia
We'd love to hear from you! How do you adventure together, or how do you plan to adventure together? We can't wait to hear how that goes for you. (oh....slight caveat: There have been times that adventuring together has been challenging - such as mountain biking, or hiking Yosemite, but pushing through that & remembering that you're on the same team & working toward the same goal will help you get through those challenges and get to the enjoying part of the adventure more quickly. If adventuring together and leaving the daily worries behind feels strange at 1st, don't give up. Just keep at it and the rewards will come!)
Cheering you on,
ALLEN & CAROL
If you like this post, you may enjoy reading our other #marriagemondays posts. If you'd like to receive marriage encouragement in your inbox, we would love for you to subscribe below and that will allow you to be notified first when we post. Then you won't have to miss a beat! Let us know how we can better cheer you on!
Forgive a lot, then forgive again and again.
Choosing to forgive in marriage is crucial!
Yes, we are blessed with an amazing marriage. But we both would be the first to tell you that it hasn't come without its struggles. We have both messed up, numerous times, and had to forgive each other...over and over again. Sometimes it's the little things we have to forgive (or sometimes overlook - like the small irritable things)...things like leaving the lights on all the time, or forgiving scratches on vehicles when one has parked too close to the buggys at Walmart (oops). Other times, it's the bigger stuff. The times we have unknowingly and unintentionally hurt each other. Sometimes looking back, we don't have a clue how the little things could have caused such deep pain, but acknowledging that in each other & choosing to forgive has been part of the glue that has held us together.
Sometimes the words "I forgive you" have come out when we least expected it & certainly not planned it. But something deep inside forces out those words...knowing forgiveness is a purposeful choice and without it, healing can't take place. I don't know where we would be without forgiveness in our marriage. Certainly not here...adoring each other more than ever and pushing through hard times to make our marriage stronger. Sometimes one of us needs forgiveness more often than the other but neither of us keeps track. Lord help us, if we did! We just keep on saying it (many times after we have hashed it out, communicated well into the night, and come up with a plan for next time)...over & over again and making the choice to give grace & forgiveness ...knowing the other one of us could be in need of it at another time.
Now we also are aware that at times there are much deeper issues that may require intervention and require more time to resolve. We are certainly not saying that the words "I forgive you" fix everything. We know that they don't, but we have also learned that when those words are said, healing can begin. And as you say them over & over, your heart begins to actually believe it! It's a strange thing really.
We also want you to know that we know full well that those 3 little words are not easy to get out at times. Seriously yall, sometimes we even feel like we are going to choke on them, but we are here to tell you that every time you say them, it gets a little bit easier and then lo and behold, it begins to come naturally after awhile. Crazy, right?
So hang in there & keep saying those words as you hash things out - even if you have to choke them out at times. haha
Forgiveness makes our marriage stronger & sweeter and it will do the same for yours. Just keep at it!
Dont forget that we are here for you, to encouragw you in your marriage & cheer you on! You've got this ! Also, If you want to be sure to get our #marriagemondays posts, one of the following ways should do:
We can't wait to cheer you on!
Enjoy the Journey!
ALLEN & CAROL
I (Carol) really cannot count how many times a good ole country love song has come on the radio (or Pandora....we Love Pandora), and Allen has grabbed me for a quick slow dance while dinner cooks. It melts my butter! It is usually when I am having a tense moment, hurrying & scurrying, trying to "get it all done" (as if that ever really happens...or even matters in the end). Sometimes it is when I have had an exhausting day doing Algebra, Latin & Debate with our 3 children (we homeschool), keeping up with laundry, housekeeping, cooking, and managing our business. Allen will make me stop.what I'm doing, gather me in his arms and dance with me. Now really...what weary woman can resist that kind of love, I ask you. Not this one. I just melt into his arms, as we sway back and forth. Sounds crazy, but it works for us. We love to dance in the kitchen together. After all, the kitchen is where most of life happens for us, AND it's good for our kiddos to see us dancing together in the midst of a stressful day.
So, there you have it...one of our secrets...dancing in the kitchen together. May sound silly, but it sure does make cooking dinner a lighter load. 😊 Oh...and ladies, there's a catch...are you ready for this? You have to LET him dance with you. Dinner can wait a few, so can the crying kids, or your to-do list...your marriage is worth it.
So whether it's Alan Jackson, Dolly Parton or Taylor Swift, put on a love song & dance in the kitchen together. ;)
By the way, if you're looking for some ways to refresh your marriage or even just the spark alive, then our #marriagemondays are for you! For more information on that, see our last post below! And of there's ever a way we can help encourage you, just let us know. Cheering you on in your marriage is our "why"!
If you don't want to miss any #marriagemondays tips, you may want to either
We can't wait to cheer you on!
Enjoy the Journey!
ALLEN & CAROL
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