When we were high school sweethearts (awww), pursuing each other came as naturally as eating or sleeping. Because really we all we thought about was each other. We were together as much as possible and then when we weren’t, we were busy wishing we were and thinking of the ways we could be together again or thinking of how wonderful it would be when we were together. (that’s a lot of “together” in a few sentences. Haha)
Fast forward to this past Sunday, as we sat in church, listening to a sermon, the question began to churn in my mind, “What are we busy pursuing?” That of course led to the next thoughts: “Do Allen and I pursue each other and a strong marriage more than we pursue our own individual interests and concerns?” Let’s face it. It would be so easy to get going our own separate ways and forget to pursue each other. After all, we are very busy in this season of life: Working 2 jobs, one of those involves running a business, homeschooling our 3 beautiful children, helping care for our parents at times, and managing a household. How in the world are we supposed to make time to pursue each other? Even if you’re just starting out in your marriage, it will most likely not come easy, after the first few years. With college, careers, maybe buying or building a house, staying fit, eating well, and then kids, who has time to pursue each other? And furthermore, does it matter?
Try to think back to the time when you were dating each other. You did everything possible to dote on the one you love and spent time and effort to win their heart. It was so important for each of you to know the other had you on their mind. Pursuing each other reminds your spouse that you’re thinking of them and putting them first. When Allen and I began dating, we were just kids. I was 18 and he 16 (Yes! I totally robbed the cradle! Not one single regret. I knew a good one when I saw it.) We both had jobs and were in school but that was the extent of our responsibility really. We had the time and energy to put into our relationship and to pursue each other. I used to make Allen these killer brownies! I have no idea why he thought they tasted so delicious, but all I can figure is that it must have been the love I put into them. And he used to bring me flowers. Ahh. See our previous post on “My Feelings aren’t up for Evaluation” for more on how important flowers are to me. Hahaha. The point is that when you’re first starting out, being thoughtful and considerate of each other seems to come naturally, but as time goes on, it’s something you can either let slip away, or continue to work at. The question is do you want to have a good marriage or a GREAT marriage? Letting those little things slip away, that you did when you were dating, will eventually take a toll on your marriage. It may go unnoticed at first, but it will show up eventually.
Some of you may have not pursued each other for so long that you’ve forgotten how. No worries! That’s what we are here for…to refresh your memories! So we have some questions and some ideas to help you be “IN HOT PURSUIT” of each other once again.
QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:
1. How did you go after the one you love to begin with?
a. Cards & Letters?
b. Chocolates and/or Flowers?
c. Spending quality time with them?
d. Leaving them little surprise gifts and notes?
2. What is your spouse’s Love language? If you don’t know, there’s a great book called “The Five Love Languages” that can be helpful with that. We would highly encourage you to read it together and discuss it; then put into practice, loving on each other in a way that fills their love tank.
Here they are in a nutshell:
a. Quality Time
b. Words of Affirmation
d. Acts of Service
e. Physical Touch
3. Now that you have the one your soul loves, are you still doing those same things to keep their heart?
4. How often are you pursing your spouse and making your marriage the #1 priority? Nobody else will do it for you. Your jobs, your kids, your social media habits…they’ll take everything you give them. Make sure you're giving your marriage the BEST of you!
HOT PURSUIT IDEAS:
1. FLIRTwith each other! (hee-hee. This is so under-rated!)
2. DANCE in the Kitchen (or wherever) to your favorite music together.
3. Make sure to HUG each other often and hang onto each other (you can often find us holding hands when we are walking around shopping or to and from places. It doesn’t take much effort and is a sweet connection in the midst of busyness)
4. Put a DATE on the calendar for just the 2 of you, at least once a month (once a week is better, if your schedule allows). If we can’t get out once a week, we at least make a point to sit together and cuddle and watch a movie or favorite show after the kids are down. Sometimes this will get us through until we can schedule that date and get out together.
5. Always greet each other a BIG INTENTIONAL KISS the morning and evening, and anytime you’re leaving each other. This may same silly, but it really helps keep that spark alive. (OH…and we’re not talking just a peck here. We’re also not suggesting a make-out session each time you see each other either. Although that sounds fun, it’s totally unrealistic. Haha. We’re just saying it’s important to totally stop what you’re doing for a minute, and give your spouse an intentional kiss hello or goodbye for a moment).
Cheering you on!
Allen & Carol