I Only Have Eyes For You | Marriage Mondays

Happy Monday everyone. This is Allen bringing you the marriage mondays post this week.  This week, I really want the husbands to read this.  This is something I feel is extremely important and comes from something I've had to deal with personally.
Every man has a built in desire to be respected by their wives. Some men think that respect means that your wife just does everything you tell her to do without question and she is to serve you your food and drink at your command. I'm here to tell you that that is not respect, that is fear!  I for one do not want my wife to ever have to fear me. Why would anyone want that. Trust me when I say that it is way better when your wife truly respects you because you earn her respect by treating her like a princess and honoring her.  

     Don't get me wrong, God designed us men to be the leaders of our homes, but that does not mean a dictatorship.  We are to lead by following God's will for our lives and serving our family.  That's what makes a real man!  Trust me it's not easy and it takes a real man to take the job and not give up.  I'm by no means perfect at this, but that is my aim and I have the respect and admiration of my beautiful wife.
     There is one very important issue that I have noticed and thought needed to be discussed.  The issue is men not honoring their wives with their eyes.  Trust me, it's hard not to look at another pretty woman, especially when they are all over tv and magazines and billboards and the internet.  However, the Bible says that "even if a man looks at another woman lustfully, he has already commited adultery in his heart."  That statement just tears at my heart because I, unfortunately have struggled with this in the past, and I am extremely unproud of that.  Fortunately, I learned that I am not the only man that has struggled with this and I read a book a few years ago called "Every mans battle."  The book is a great read and the best thing about it was that it actually gave me a tool to help me fight the temptation.  It says that whenever you see an image of a woman that is inappropriate, BOUNCE YOUR EYES, before you are even able to make an inappropriate thought about her.  Also put barriers in place that make it hard for you to even seek out such images on purpose.  
Here are some practical ways that I fight this temptation.

•  One thing is that I allow my wife to look through all magazines that come into our home before I look at them and I have given her full editing privileges to either color in or cut out images I shouldn't see, or even ones that she is just uncomfortable with me seeing.  It's wonderful, because I feel free to look at the magazines later and she doesn't have to worry about me stumbling accross anything.  
• Another thing I do is turn my head whenever an inapropriate commercial or scene in a movie or tv show comes on.  It doesn't have to be anything explicitely sexy or pornographic, but even if a woman on the show is just wearing something a little too revealing or tight, it still makes my wife feel valued and respected when I turn my head.  I do the same thing when we are together in public and it just builds more and more respect and trust from my wife.

Now there are plenty of times when my wife is not around and an image presents itself. That's when the bouncing your eyes has got to become a habit.  The moment you don't do it, that little tiny rush gets in your head and then it is just a matter of time that you completely give in and fall into a habit of looking, that is extremely hard to get out of. Also, it just totally hardens your heart and you don't have a true peace and it litterally starts tearing your life apart.  

I am so much freeer and at peace now that I am fighting this fight and the more time that goes by that I don't give in, the easier it is to fight and it is actually much less of a snare or desire.  I am also so much more satisfied with the beautiful lady that God gave me and my heart beats hard for her whenever she's around.

Trust me guys, it's worth the fight and your marriage is worth it!  Don't let the world lie to you and tell you it's ok to look. It's a slow fade down a path that leads only to destruction and it is not where you want to go.  TRUST ME!

Cheering you on,
Allen & Carol

Kirsten Whiddon | Chiles High School Senior Session | Tallahassee, Florida

Senior Shoots do not have to be boring!!!  This one was a laugh a minute!!!  We had so much fun with the Whiddon family at Destin, photographing their beautiful daughter and her friends for a senior session.  Let me back up a bit...we have been photographing this family for many years! They have been some of our biggest cheerleaders and fans in our business adventures.  We look forward to photographing them each year.  We always schedule it for the "golden hour" so that they get the most epic sunsets!  And they do.  What's more is that they are the best sports.  Jump shots? No problem for this family.  They are always up for an adventure when it's time to do their shoots.  We absolutely love that about them.  Since they believe in Allen and his vision for their photos, it makes our job so easy, and in addition, it allows Allen the freedom to get the photos he's dreaming of!  Now that's a win-win! 

They are also precious friends of ours, and that makes this senior session even more special! We are so excited to celebrate this young lady and all the hard work she has put in over the years.  It's going to be so exciting to see where God takes her in the future.  Lord knows, she's got amazing parents, grandparents and a sweet brother to be a part of her support team!  And her zest for life, which makes her so much fun to be around, is really going to take her places!

Kirsten, you have worked hard and accomplished much!  It's time to spread your wings and fly, girl! You've got this!  We are so proud of you and so thankful to have had the opportunity to photograph you & hang out with you and your friends.  You keep us laughing!

Cheering you on!!!

Allen & Carol

Kingdom Marriage vs Consumer Marriage | Marriage Mondays

Kingdom marriage or consumer marriage? Which will yours be?

At our connect marriage retreat that we attended back in May,  we learned through some of the leaders that that there are 2 types of marriages: a KINGDOM MARRIAGE and a CONSUMER MARRIAGE.

The definition of a kingdom marriage was  "I will be who I ought to be whether you are or not." By contrast,  a consumer marriage is one where one or both spouses put their needs and wants first and put their rights first.  And having to be right results in feelings of loneliness. Anyone ever felt lonely sitting next to your spouse or laying next to your spouse? You're  both there together yet the loneliness ache is so real and so strong it feels as if you are completely alone in that room.  Why is that? Something we are learning is that our need to be right and control a situation can bring on those feelings of loneliness.  That's a red flag for a consumer marriage, for sure.

I will never forget years ago, a certain wise lady was talking to me (Carol) about marriage and telling me how important it is to put my spouse first and not myself. I then asked the question, "How do you know if you're doing this?" And her wise question was like a punch in the gut .  She said, "whose the first person you think of when you wake up in the mornings?" What?!!! Oh anything but that..Please! I LOVE to sleep in y'all.  But God used that in a powerful way to show me that my husband (who serves me wholeheartedly all the time) was not who I was putting first. I was putting myself first and didn't even realize it.  That changed that day.  I woke in the mornings thinking, "how can I love and serve him?"  If he needs coffee, breakfast and lunch,  and I can help with that, why would I not? God has given me this amazing gift of a husband and I am so honored and privileged to serve him daily.

Okay, let me back up a bit and tell you men a secret tho.  Allen has led the way in serving me. One of the reasons I am able to serve him is because he has shown me what that looks like...our entire marriage! Of course we are not without our arguments and struggles,  but truly Allen puts me first in our lives.  I cook dinner - he insists I serve my plate first (even when I argue..silly me. Haha).  Most mornings that blessed man makes me coffee and serves me.  In a crowded room, if I need a chair, he gives his up. You get the idea. I have said many times, I did not truly begin to comprehend the unconditional serving love of Christ until I met Allen.  Men, you want a wife that will serve you joyfully and follow you to the ends of the earth (even if they have to leave their mamas? Heehee), then begin serving her...always.  You wont regret it. What have you got to lose?

Just for the record, I wake in the mornings now and (unless I'm ill), I take great delight and joy in serving my man. My nature is still to be a night owl and want to sleep in, but as my man is getting ready, I wake to help get him out the door...because I want to. Not because I have to.  Because he gives himself up for me continually, as Christ gave himself up for us.  Now that's a kingdom marriage!

Of course we have plenty of selfish moments in between and we struggle with our sinful flesh at times, but when we get this right, it just makes for such a beautifil marriage.

All of the above describes a bit of what  a kingdom marriage looks like.  So what does a consumer marriage look like? It looks like a marriage where  either a husband or wife  (or both) think only of themselves. They have to be right..they each have to be in control. They each are focused on their own needs, wants, desires and when things get broken and they don't get what they want (or need) they throw it out like you would an old car, instead of taking the time and energy to repair what's broken.  What could it have been or what could it be if one or both parties were (are?) willing to give all they have for the other.  After all, how many classic cars are now out there that were once someone's brand new beautiful car but through neglect and wear, and over time, the beauty of it faded and it was tossed or traded in.  Then along came someone who saw the potential in it and invested all they had to make it lovely? And now that car is what turns heads as it drives down the road.  The difference was the love, care, time, effort and focus that was poured into it.   What a difference it made. It's still the same car tho.  If the original owner had given his or her best effort to maintain and enhance that car, the way the next owner had, it would have been even more beautiful and would have been the car everyone admired.  Same goes for your marriage.  Be the best version of you for your spouse now. Don't wait.  There's not a single marriage out there, that has lasted years, that has not had to out in the hard work and dedication. It doesn't just happen easily.

Just to sum up, a kingdom marriage is being willing to love, serve & encourage even if you get nothing back. Otherwise resentment will come into play and begin to eat away at your marriage, piece by piece until there is nothing left. A consumer marriage is when one or both parties put themselves first instead of each other, which results in loneliness, resentment, and ultimately division.

So whose up for the challenge? Do you want a kingdom marriage or a  consumer marriage?  One is obviously going to be harder to obtain. It will take more hard work, more giving up our rights to be right, more serving when we don't feel like it, but let me tell you, the results are so lovely and so worth it.  Don't forget...the prize is worth the price!

So go for that kingdom marriage! We know you can do it!

Cheering you on,

Allen & Carol

Mind Made Up/ Marriage Mondays

Hey everyone! Welcome back to our Marriage Mondays series!  This week, we are tackling a tough topic.  What happens when one or both of you go through something so difficult in your marriage that you begin to allow your thoughts to drift to "not sure we'll make it thru this" ...or the question,  "can our marriage really survive this challenge?"  So many times we begin to compare our marriage to those around us and think, 'our marriage is not like theirs. Its just not strong enoigh'.   Well, we are here to tell you a secret....

THAT IS A LIE!  

There it is! We are calling it out!  And guess what else? You're not the only ones who have asked that question and had marriage doubts.  Its a struggle! We all struggle at times. Marriage is NOT easy! I mean, you take 2 different people, raised 2 very different ways and put them together and expect them to become one and create a life together and have...ummm..agreement? Crazy!! But it can absolutely be done. It takes a whole lot of dying to self, but it sure is possible! 

Okay, I digress. Back to calling out that lie!  So here it is in a nutshell.  It's all about making that decision early on in your marriage and not allowing yourself an "out".  You see, I (Carol) am a C.O.D. (child of divorce).  I came into the marriage with a handicap, which was believing there was a way out if we couldn't get thru a struggle. I didn't know that was what I was believing tho until we started going through some pretty rough times...financial hardships, decision making struggles,  miscarriage, anxiety, depression...whew! Many times I remember thinking that our marriage could not survive one more struggle.  But Allen was always there to call out that lie and tell me we were going to make it. Believing is hard work as someone once said. It's not at all easy to believe the truth, but again this week, we remind ourselves and all of you...

YOUR MARRIAGE IS STRONG! 

THERE IS NO OUT!

YOUR MARRIAGE CAN SURVIVE & EVEN THRIVE! 

Allen had to keep reminding me of that for many years, until I could believe it for myself.  He kept reminding me that he wasn't going anywhere and that we were going to be together for a lifetime. He is a patient man, yall.  Haha

Okay...I hear you now...some of you may be saying, "But I don't have a spouse telling me that". Not all do, but if you do not, then you be that spouse!  You can do it! We believe in you! 

So, the main point here is...just make up your mind...

TO NOT GIVE UP,

THAT YOUR MARRIAGE WILL GET STRONGER, 

THAT ALL MARRIAGES GO THRU HARD TIMES,

AND THAT YOU WILL STAY MARRIED!! 

We know that it sounds too simple to just say "make up your mind to stay married", but it really is just that simple. At least its a big piece of the puzzle...the main piece.   Just keep saying "We're going to make it. There is no out! There is no Plan B"."

And we are saying it right along with you! We are knee deep in challenges...wrestling thru some very hard things ourselves...right along each of you. But 1 thing we know...we will make it! We will stay married. It is not an option. And we will be stronger on the other side, as will all of you. And in the midst of the struggles,  you can be assured, we will take a whole lot of coffee breaks together (and maybe even go ride some roller coasters.  Yah! But for more on having fun together, see more of our Marriage Monday posts below). 

So we give you permission to take a break from the hustle & bustle of life.  Go grab a cup of coffee together or have a dinner date and nail down that decision. Decide now that YOU WILL STAY MARRIED! Whether you've been married for a day or a month or even 20 years or more.  Your marriage is worth that investment. And Lord knows, you're kids will thank you for this. Its such a beautiful gift for them. The best gift ever!!

Alright, so there you have it...Marriage Mondays homework. Hee-hee.  Yall go make up your minds - together! 

Cheering you on (and battling right alongside you),

Allen & Carol

Micah Joyner | Chiles High School | 2017 Senior Session | Tallahassee Florida

This girl here is one of the strongest girls we know!  We have known her since she was an infant & its been so amazing watching her grow up!  Through gymnastics,  surgeries and many other challenges, she has stayed strong...trusting the Lord thru each situation.  We are so proud of her and so excited to highlight her on our blog and celebrate her! We can't wait to see where life takes her.  

She has already done incredible things, including graduating Cum Laude from Lawton Chiles High School in May of this year and winning the distinguished Lawton Chiles award! In addition, she came in first runner up for the District's Best and Brightest Recognition in the Public Speaking category. WOW!!!

Most of all, we are impressed by her character! She always has a sweet spirit and beautiful smile no matter what she is facing. Her strength and joy truly come from the Lord.

Great things await this sweet gal!

Congratulations Micah Joyner! We are rooting for you!

Allen & Carol

Cole | Class of 2017 | Tallahassee Senior Photographer | Chiles High School

You don't want to miss this!!!  These are definitely some of our favorite Senior photos thus far!  What an honor it was to be able to photograph this senior, who attends Chiles High School and plays football for them as well! (Go Timberwolves!) 

Allen was especially excited about this shoot, as he had some super cool ideas and couldn't wait to experiment with chalk dust and lights! What?!  And Cole was the perfect senior to work with for Allen's creativity!  We loved working with him!  From beginning to end, he was a natural!  He was super relaxed and never seemed to tire of Allen's crazy (and awesome, if I may say ;-)  ideas! And it paid off!  We always consider it a privilege to photograph Seniors...knowing this is the end of a season in their lives and the beginning of many new adventures!  We can't wait to see what adventures lie ahead for Cole, as he graduates in 2017! We believe he's going to do great things in the future! 

The photos below show when the fun really began!    Keep on scrolling!  This is when we were so grateful that Cole is a patient and chilled guy to put up with all the lighting changes and hold the poses for what probably seemed like an eternity. He nailed it!

Great job, Cole!  Adventures Await!

Allen & Carol 

Who fills your cup? / Marriage Mondays

First of all, we want to state loudly and boldly that our beautiful marriage is only possible because Jesus Christ is at the center of it. We strongly believe that without His love for us, there is no way we could love each other the way we need to.

Okay, now that we have established that, we wanted to share more on this subject of who fills our cups...who truly satisfies our souls. Now it's no secret that we LOVE being together! We have so much fun together - adventuring, laughing, cuddling! We really would rather be together than anywhere else.  Cheesy, but true. Ha-ha.

However, early on in our marriage, I think we both really thought we were supposed to make each other happy.  We spent much time trying to make the other one happy...not because we felt like we had to, but because we just wanted to.  We love seeing each other smile. Why not, right?

But what we didn't realize  is that there is a deep hole inside each of us that was only meant to be filled by one, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ.   As we have matured and grown in our marriage, we have learned that neither of us can MAKE the other one happy...and guess what? It's not our job to make the other happy or satisfied. And believe me, we have tried plenty of times and then been crazy disappointed when we failed.  Then as we grew, we learned 2 things:

1. We have to choose to be happy (thanks for those wise words, Dad); and

2. Only God can truly satisfy our souls. 

....

Wanna know what's truly going to make you happy in your marriage? Serving each other and giving to each other...setting your own desires aside for the sake of the other. After all, that's what  Christ did for us, right?

If you're looking for your spouse to be the source of your happiness,  to satisfy your soul, to fill your cup, it will never fully happen. Why? Because your spouse is human and imperfect, as we all are.  Those are unrealistic expectations (which we will discuss in another post). Marriage was never intended to be what fills you up. It's a representation of the way Christ loves us.

So we realize this is not at all the message the world tells you, but the world doesn't know how to make lasting marriages either.  Only striving for the example that Christ laid out for us - to serve each other/give up ourselves for each other - can make a strong marriage that lasts and is truly satisfying.

So go ahead and give it a try. We challenge you to see if serving your spouse doesn't satisfy your soul & fill your cup, more than relying on your spouse to make you happy. It's worth a shot, right?   

Cheering you on,

Allen & Carol

When the going gets tough, that's when love happens! / Marriage Mondays

So it may seem odd, but this week's post was inspired by the rapper Lecrae. It's actually a topic I've been wanting to write about for a while but for some reason haven't. This past Saturday I, Allen, took a couple of our kids to a Lecrae concert at Wild Adventures theme park. Between a couple of his songs he asked the audience, "who out there is in love? "  he then proceeded to say that you young people who are all ushy gushy and feel like you've Got That Loving Feeling... "that feeling is just gas!" he said.  Real Love is when you are going through some stuff! I just thought there's some real truth to that.  Real Love is built when you're having to go through some trials, hard times, and tuff stuff. That's what makes your love stronger...when you come through it together and you don't give up.  I can tell you right now that the reason Carol and I have such a great marriage, and we are so in love with each other, is because we've been through many trials together over 21 years of marriage.  There's going to be plenty of trials and hard times you've got to get through when you're married. That's just life.  If you've ever believed that marriage was going to be easy, and things would just be hunky-dory all the time, then you've been fooled by a lie!  You've been fooled by Hollywood and the whole sexualized culture that's out there.  Marriage just isn't always that ushy gooshy feeling.  Some times you just have to be committed and determined that we're going to get through this together, no matter what.  

It seems to be part of God's design that for things to get stronger, they have to be put through some kind of stress or heat. If you think about how a sword is made, the rough piece of steel has to be heated extremely hot and hammered into shape before it can cool down and become extremely strong, durable, unbendable, and beautiful.  If you think about muscles, when you lift weights, you actually tear your muscles and then they have to heal back together.  That's what makes them grow stronger and bigger.

When you think about it, most things that are just given to you, or you received easily, don't mean as much to you as something that you had to work really hard for.  If you want to have an amazing, lifelong marriage, you're going to have to work for it. You're going to have to earn the respect and admiration and trust and love of your spouse. There's going to be times that you just hold on to each other tight and pray to God and ask Him to help you to get through this situation.  Your marriage is worth fighting for! Don't ever give up! Don't let anything come between you and your spouse. You're on the same team.   Love each other. Serve each other.  Encourage each other.  And don't forget...when the going gets tough, thats when LOVE happens.

Cheering you on, 

Allen & Carol